The Snoozer

Freddy's BurgersFirst things first: Please git yerselves over to The Pioneer Woman Cooks and check out the above recipes for Freddy’s Burgers. They’re lifechanging.

Second: For a couple of days this week, I’m taking my oldest daughter, who, as you can see from the photo above, always very politely and delicately eats her cheeseburgers, to her freshman orientation at the college she’ll be attending in the fall. There, she’ll take tours of the campus, learn the traditions of the school, meet with her adviser, and—gulp—enroll in classes, which will probably be the clearest proof to me so far that she is, in fact, leaving home in two months, four days, twenty hours, and nineteen minutes, depending on how many times I press “snooze” the morning we leave.

Ninth: I have been a snoozing fool lately! I won’t say that it has quite yet caused problems in my marriage, but I can see signs of trouble if it continues unabated over a longer period of time. See, I’m an early riser anyway—so is my love-muffin cowboy—but sometimes, particularly when I’m shooting my show, I get up earlier than early. Like, 4:00 am early. I just want to get a jump start on my day, get some things done before everyone gets up and the craziness begins. And that’s how it’s been for the past several months.

But for the past month or so, I have been pressing snooze on my phone and rebelliously and unapologetically snoozing off and on for over an hour sometimes. I’ve discovered the delicacy of snoozing—thinking I have to get up, then realizing I can press snooze and have a safety net and go back to sleep, then repeat this process approximately nine million times before I finally realize it’s morning.

Marlboro Man isn’t the snoozing type, as you might imagine. For him, and probably most agricultural men of his ilk, when it’s time to get up, it’s time to get up. Snoozing is for the weak, if you will.

Twelfth: You snooze too, right? Yay! I feel better.

Third: You snooze for over an hour when you snooze too, right? Yay! I feel even better.

Fifteenth: What’s the ringtone on your alarm? Mine’s “Old Car Horn.”

(That might explain why Marlboro Man doesn’t like snoozing.)

Lotsa Love,

The Snoozer

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